I have been incredibly out of sorts since my laptop touchpad stopped working and it had to be shipped out for repair. I'm not a depression prone individual. I've always been easygoing, upbeat, optimistic...so it was difficult for me to comprehend that I had crashed into an abyss like that.
The computer has been repaired and is making its way back home to me...but it's only been the past two days that I've felt any inclination to write. I've read a couple books. I haven't done much else. I'm tired, bogged down by fatigue, but I don't know if that's from being down or from being ground down by rheumatoid arthritis and the constant fluctuations in temperature- warm one day, chilly cold the next, warm again...the roller coaster ride this winter has been grueling on arthritic joints. It gets old fast.
I've been reading a collection of Shirley Jackson stories called Dark Tales, a penguin Classics book with a forward written by PEN/Hemingway Award winner Ottessa Moshfegh. I'd forgotten how uneasy Jackson's creepy tales can be. They are not graphic horror, but rather more psychological horror touching on such subjects as paranoia, people not being who they seem to be, things not being as they seem, people being caught or trapped in situations...she was the queen!
It reminded me that one of the first short stories I wrote was called Such Pretty Eyes. The story was definitely influenced by Jackson's tales. I remember my mother read it and she didn't like it. It was written on an electric typewriter...it's not even on my computer anywhere. I should dig that one out of the file cabinet and type it into a Word file. I'm still proud of it.
I bought and read all three of 8-year old (well, he may be 9-years old now) Ayden Rogalski's books- Ayden's Washington, Ayden's Lincoln, and Ayden's Titanic. I met Ayden last fall at an author event at the Southwick Library but really didn't get to talk to him as it was crowded and busy and I had to get back to my own table. I didn't get back to his table to buy his books either, so ended up ordering them on Amazon this week. Now I'm going to try to connect with him because I believe in encouraging young people to research, think, and write. You don't see very much of that anymore.
I also need to start reading Glen Ebisch's new book Dearest David. It's on my to-do list.
The revised copies of The Hanging Man and Other Stories arrived today. When my laptop gets home I'll be ordering stock for Aticulture2018. I'm also waiting on the silver shortlisted stickers for Black King Takes White Queen and Out. I'll have those three books with me at Articulture on April 21st. Kelly will have Teleport and Parapsychology with her, and we'll have some copies of our joint anthology Disturbing also with the new cover. Looking forward to this event because eight WhipCity Wordsmiths will be featured this year showcasing local authors- Kelly Buffum, Kate Anderson, Judith 'Sandy' Sessler, Melissa Volker, Judith Foard-Giucastro, Rhonda Boulette, VC Russell, and me. Elaine Frankonis will be reading poetry as will VC's daughter Debbie. Rhonda will be reading from T-s Adventures on Bear Paw Ridge, and maybe other stories. I'm hoping Sandy will read also. I'm undecided if I'll read. Maybe Melissa will read, too. We'll have to see!
It felt like spring today. This is a teaser week with mild temps in the 50's. More of winter in the wings though. Pretty soon the crocuses will be poking pale green noses through the soil. I haven't seen any robins yet, but someone saw some in Connecticut recently.
Beginning to feel more like my old self...but still have tendrils of melancholy drifting through my psyche. Just wish my life would get back to "normal."
Wednesday, February 28, 2018
Sunday, February 25, 2018
The Difference a Week Makes
Last weekend I was riding the crest of an exhilarating wave of high emotion and joy. The WhipCity Wordsmiths meeting was exactly what I'd hoped for when establishing the group with Kelly. All members in attendance were involved and contributed. There was a lot of positive energy flowing. It was like being plugged into an outlet and re-energized.
And then I got the word at 9:46PM on the 17th of Feb. (the same day as the Wordsmith's meeting) that my vampire novel Out had been shortlisted for the PARANORMAL BOOK AWARD (#CAC18, #SeriousAuthors, #PARANORMAL, #CRShortlister). This marks the second year in a row one of my novels has been shortlisted for an award (last year it was Black King Takes White Queen for the OZMA Award2016) I had happy tears spilling down my face.
On the 18th when I called my sister Lynnmarie to tell her about being shortlisted again I couldn't get a word in edgewise because she had done some unexpected ghost hunting the night before (which explained why she hadn't answered her phone at 10PM) and that thrilled me that she'd had that terrific experience to jazz up her life! I did manage to tell her about Out and she was happy for me.
I wrote most of Sunday evening and called it a night at 11:36PM, shutting down my laptop like I usually do.
On Monday morning I was going to continue writing at breakfast, which is what I like to do to relax before going off to work, which has been very stressful lately with all the insurance formulary changes and medication changes and increased demand for durable medical equipment by our aging population. No touchpad! No external mouse communication! I was annoyed but thought it was nothing John couldn't fix...until I got home and found out he couldn't, and my laptop, which I'd only gotten at Christmas, so less than 2 months ago, had to be shipped out for repair.
I was upset, but the full impact didn't hit me until Tuesday morning when I had a bad stress reaction. I write so much because there are always stories running through my head and they are lost if I don't write them. I cannot hold a pen and write like I used to. I can still type. I write every day. Writing is also the way I relieve stress in my life. For my husband it's lying on the couch and vegging out in front of the TV. TV does not interest me. I cannot lie down and do nothing. I have to write. I also write three blogs, have two emails I need to keep up with, and do a lot of research online. I am on my laptop from right after dinner until bedtime every day. Losing it after the joy of finally having a laptop that met my needs was a devastating blow. Comments that I could use my pokey netbook, that my inadequate and frustrating HPStream could be set up for writing again (this was the computer that the new laptop replaced because it was a piece of frustrating junk), or I could use the PC (that my husband is always on), or Kelly's PC (which she is on) for writing did not begin to calm me down. Then being told to "Stop pouting," only served to tell me that my family has no idea who I am as a person, as a writer. My husband does not have a creative bone in his body and is a very black and white thinker. There is no gray in his life. My daughter is a lot like him, but she also writes, although not nearly as much as I do.
And now to vent- (reading beyond this point is optional)
I have been a writer my entire life. I write every day. It's a release valve for all the stories that constantly flow through my mind, even when I'm working my regular full time job. There are multiple tracks in my brain doing different things, all at the same time. I also have obligations outside of work that I need to keep track of. My husband has no hobbies, belongs to no groups, has nothing to do but lie on the couch and watch TV after coming home from work. He does not do anything else, therefore cannot even begin to comprehend anyone else having stuff to do. It's not in his wheelhouse. My daughter comes home from work and has things she does. She goes to play cards with a friend, goes out to eat, takes trips, and writes a blog for the museum. She is a combination of her father and me, but not exactly like me. She, too, fails to understand how connected I am to writing- it is a huge part of me that needs a daily outlet or else I am irritable, frustrated and angry because I do not feel as if I am accomplishing anything. I am not the kind of person who can sit around and do nothing. I never have been.
Plus, there has been a mountain of stress and worry in my life with John having been out of work for two years with no income coming in from him. Kelly has been looking for a house of her own for over a year and unable to find anything affordable that is suitable. My health issues have increased to the point where I don't know how much longer I'll be able to work. So, I also worry about the future and where we'll be when everything else crashes around us. Obviously, no one else worries about these things if they can be so blithe and lack a true understanding of why I had such a bad reaction to even temporarily losing my laptop. All of this has altered my life in a huge way, and increased, again, my frustration, irritability, and anger.
I have spent a week trying to "get over" my family's complete lack of understanding as to how one more blow to an already wobbling and ready to crash life staggered me like that. I'm grateful for my supportive friends who listened to me vent and understood what I was saying. It's because of them that I'm functioning and able to cope with my (beloved) pokey netbook to write my blogs and check my email, and do some research...but I have not been able to write. My psych is still reeling- not only because of the laptop issue but because of how my family failed to understand why I reacted the way I did.
Now that I've vented here...maybe this afternoon or this evening I will be able to write again. It's been a week since anything creative has flowed out of me because I have been working through all the disappointment, discouragement, and dissatisfaction that overwhelmed me and dragged me under. I still feel poisoned by it...we'll see what happens.
And then I got the word at 9:46PM on the 17th of Feb. (the same day as the Wordsmith's meeting) that my vampire novel Out had been shortlisted for the PARANORMAL BOOK AWARD (#CAC18, #SeriousAuthors, #PARANORMAL, #CRShortlister). This marks the second year in a row one of my novels has been shortlisted for an award (last year it was Black King Takes White Queen for the OZMA Award2016) I had happy tears spilling down my face.
On the 18th when I called my sister Lynnmarie to tell her about being shortlisted again I couldn't get a word in edgewise because she had done some unexpected ghost hunting the night before (which explained why she hadn't answered her phone at 10PM) and that thrilled me that she'd had that terrific experience to jazz up her life! I did manage to tell her about Out and she was happy for me.
I wrote most of Sunday evening and called it a night at 11:36PM, shutting down my laptop like I usually do.
On Monday morning I was going to continue writing at breakfast, which is what I like to do to relax before going off to work, which has been very stressful lately with all the insurance formulary changes and medication changes and increased demand for durable medical equipment by our aging population. No touchpad! No external mouse communication! I was annoyed but thought it was nothing John couldn't fix...until I got home and found out he couldn't, and my laptop, which I'd only gotten at Christmas, so less than 2 months ago, had to be shipped out for repair.
I was upset, but the full impact didn't hit me until Tuesday morning when I had a bad stress reaction. I write so much because there are always stories running through my head and they are lost if I don't write them. I cannot hold a pen and write like I used to. I can still type. I write every day. Writing is also the way I relieve stress in my life. For my husband it's lying on the couch and vegging out in front of the TV. TV does not interest me. I cannot lie down and do nothing. I have to write. I also write three blogs, have two emails I need to keep up with, and do a lot of research online. I am on my laptop from right after dinner until bedtime every day. Losing it after the joy of finally having a laptop that met my needs was a devastating blow. Comments that I could use my pokey netbook, that my inadequate and frustrating HPStream could be set up for writing again (this was the computer that the new laptop replaced because it was a piece of frustrating junk), or I could use the PC (that my husband is always on), or Kelly's PC (which she is on) for writing did not begin to calm me down. Then being told to "Stop pouting," only served to tell me that my family has no idea who I am as a person, as a writer. My husband does not have a creative bone in his body and is a very black and white thinker. There is no gray in his life. My daughter is a lot like him, but she also writes, although not nearly as much as I do.
And now to vent- (reading beyond this point is optional)
I have been a writer my entire life. I write every day. It's a release valve for all the stories that constantly flow through my mind, even when I'm working my regular full time job. There are multiple tracks in my brain doing different things, all at the same time. I also have obligations outside of work that I need to keep track of. My husband has no hobbies, belongs to no groups, has nothing to do but lie on the couch and watch TV after coming home from work. He does not do anything else, therefore cannot even begin to comprehend anyone else having stuff to do. It's not in his wheelhouse. My daughter comes home from work and has things she does. She goes to play cards with a friend, goes out to eat, takes trips, and writes a blog for the museum. She is a combination of her father and me, but not exactly like me. She, too, fails to understand how connected I am to writing- it is a huge part of me that needs a daily outlet or else I am irritable, frustrated and angry because I do not feel as if I am accomplishing anything. I am not the kind of person who can sit around and do nothing. I never have been.
Plus, there has been a mountain of stress and worry in my life with John having been out of work for two years with no income coming in from him. Kelly has been looking for a house of her own for over a year and unable to find anything affordable that is suitable. My health issues have increased to the point where I don't know how much longer I'll be able to work. So, I also worry about the future and where we'll be when everything else crashes around us. Obviously, no one else worries about these things if they can be so blithe and lack a true understanding of why I had such a bad reaction to even temporarily losing my laptop. All of this has altered my life in a huge way, and increased, again, my frustration, irritability, and anger.
I have spent a week trying to "get over" my family's complete lack of understanding as to how one more blow to an already wobbling and ready to crash life staggered me like that. I'm grateful for my supportive friends who listened to me vent and understood what I was saying. It's because of them that I'm functioning and able to cope with my (beloved) pokey netbook to write my blogs and check my email, and do some research...but I have not been able to write. My psych is still reeling- not only because of the laptop issue but because of how my family failed to understand why I reacted the way I did.
Now that I've vented here...maybe this afternoon or this evening I will be able to write again. It's been a week since anything creative has flowed out of me because I have been working through all the disappointment, discouragement, and dissatisfaction that overwhelmed me and dragged me under. I still feel poisoned by it...we'll see what happens.
Sunday, February 18, 2018
Out Shortlisted for the Paranormal Book Award 2017!
I received notification via a facebook post from Chanticleer Reviews and International Book Contests that vampire novel Out has been shortlisted for the Paranormal Book Award 2017!
Those of you who have been following my blog know that Black King Takes White Queen was shortlisted for the OZMA Award 2016, another of Chanticleer's contests. I skipped buying the silver Shortlisted stickers for that book, but splurged on them this year as I can put them on both books this year.
I am so excited to rise above the slush pile for the second year in a row! I think Black King Takes White Queen reached the finalist level, but didn't make it to the list of Finalists from which the grand prize winner was chosen. It was just thrilling to be shortlisted for a novel that I'd just written 4 months prior to submitting to the contest without all the revisions and corrections in place.
Out went through four proof versions, and then two revisions once it had its final cover image and font color in place. The novel was written in 2015/2016 but not published until 2017 because I had been working with Archway but then John lost his job and I was discouraged about everything and just put it aside, finally deciding to just self-publish it in July 2017, officially launched in October 2017.
At Articulture 2018 both Black King Takes White Queen and Out should have their silver shortlisted stickers on the covers.
I am doing the happy dance!
Those of you who have been following my blog know that Black King Takes White Queen was shortlisted for the OZMA Award 2016, another of Chanticleer's contests. I skipped buying the silver Shortlisted stickers for that book, but splurged on them this year as I can put them on both books this year.
I am so excited to rise above the slush pile for the second year in a row! I think Black King Takes White Queen reached the finalist level, but didn't make it to the list of Finalists from which the grand prize winner was chosen. It was just thrilling to be shortlisted for a novel that I'd just written 4 months prior to submitting to the contest without all the revisions and corrections in place.
Out went through four proof versions, and then two revisions once it had its final cover image and font color in place. The novel was written in 2015/2016 but not published until 2017 because I had been working with Archway but then John lost his job and I was discouraged about everything and just put it aside, finally deciding to just self-publish it in July 2017, officially launched in October 2017.
At Articulture 2018 both Black King Takes White Queen and Out should have their silver shortlisted stickers on the covers.
I am doing the happy dance!
Wednesday, February 14, 2018
Revisions Finished! New Book Back on Market
I approved the revised proof of The Hanging Man and Other Stories with typo and name corrections (in one place auto correct changed a woman's name from Beth to Bath...really! And I accidentally gave the main character in The Hanging Man story two different last names...my bad! Also added the ISBN numbers on the copyright page which I had forgotten to do and fixed a continuity issue in The Hanging Man because Isaiah didn't remove Daisy-dew from the barn the second time he saw the hanging man, he just removed Winnie.
The Hanging Man and Other Stories is available n Amazon.com and is now also going to be available as an ebook on Kindle for $7.99
Preparing for Saturday's WhipCity Wordsmiths meeting. I was sitting at the kitchen table late the other night jotting down some notes and playing with a ladybug that was wandering around n the table.
Had an MRI this morning...had to have anesthesia because of claustrophobia and panic attacks. They knocked me out but good! Came home and slept all afternoon. Very grateful to Kelly for taking a day off from work to be Mom's driver and caregiver today. She's the best!
The Hanging Man and Other Stories is available n Amazon.com and is now also going to be available as an ebook on Kindle for $7.99
Preparing for Saturday's WhipCity Wordsmiths meeting. I was sitting at the kitchen table late the other night jotting down some notes and playing with a ladybug that was wandering around n the table.
Had an MRI this morning...had to have anesthesia because of claustrophobia and panic attacks. They knocked me out but good! Came home and slept all afternoon. Very grateful to Kelly for taking a day off from work to be Mom's driver and caregiver today. She's the best!
Sunday, February 11, 2018
Revisions in Progress
The Hanging Man and Other Stories is temporarily unavailable on Amazon (abut 24 hours down) because I found some errors in the printed copy and have made corrections. Should be back up on Tuesday at the latest!
Tuesday, February 6, 2018
The Hanging Man and other Stories
Nine copies of The Hanging Man and other stories have sold on Amazon.com. This is a record for me. Maybe I'll sell a whole dozen copies!
One can only hope.
One can only hope.
Version #4
That novel that got off to several false starts before sailing along into the 76000 word range? Um...crashed when it derailed. Version 4 has been started.
Sigh.
My life has been full of ups and downs since the beginning of the year and my writing and concentration have suffered for all the upheaval.
I just wish things would settle down and all the distractions would fade back into the woodwork.
.
Sigh.
My life has been full of ups and downs since the beginning of the year and my writing and concentration have suffered for all the upheaval.
I just wish things would settle down and all the distractions would fade back into the woodwork.
.
Thursday, February 1, 2018
New Book Available February 1, 2018- Today!
NEW FOR 2018: The Hanging Man and Other Stories is available today on Amazon.com. I haven't yet made it available for Kindle, but will before the end of the month. It retails for $14.99 and is 292 pages. There are 17 ghost/paranormal/supernatural stories included in this volume.
To Kill or Not to Kill
One thing many writers have difficulty with is killing off a character (not necessarily one you personally don't like, but one you've written and invested your own emotions in). I can't think of any other art form/medium in which the creator invests so much of themselves into the process of building a world, bringing characters to life and imbuing them with personalities, foibles, flaws, good qualities, etc. You make these people you create interact in good ways and bad. They grow. And sometimes, to make the story reach it's natural conclusion, you find you have to kill one or two of them off.
By the time you reach the point where the inevitable occurs, you, as writer/creator, have invested a lot of your own feelings and emotions, and yes, little pieces f your very soul, into the character. It really is akin to giving birth to a child and in a relatively brief span of time, watching them grow. You want the best for them, but sometimes the story dictates otherwise.
It can be a very emotionally wrenching moment for an author to kill off a character they like or even love. I have a novel in which two young adults struggle with issues in their lives and strive to be better people, to do the right thing. The young woman has a little sister she adores. She's been more a mother to the girl than their own mother has been. The mother has issues. A series of incidents happen and it drives the young couple to the point where they are worn down psychologically and emotionally...both struggle with depression. They agree that they've fought long and hard and their tired and just want it to end...so they make a suicide pact, which includes not leaving the younger sister behind, they're taking her with them. I cannot write the end of that novel. It's been sitting unfinished in a binder for two plus years. The young couple are good people. They work hard, they have been there for one another for a couple of years, but life will not give them a break and they are broken in spirit. I cry thinking about how they're going to die. I don't want it to happen. I cannot put myself through writing the ending of that novel...so it will remain unfinished forever.
Do artists get that emotionally invested in their art? Do musicians wrench their own hearts writing song lyrics and performing their music?
I was asked tonight if readers want a happy ending? I'm sure the majority of them do. However, as in real life, not all stories have a happy ending. Sometimes bad things happen and characters, like real people, die.
My advice to this author was- "Readers will cry and feel sad when a character dies. Some will feel let down or disappointed by a sad ending. Some will become angry and feel cheated. It all depends on how they personally related to the character that is killed off. We're all wired differently. however, we share emotions in common- empathy and sympathy. The point of killing off a character is to draw that emotional response, whatever it may be, from the reader. Readers don't read to be bored or to remain not drawn into the story. They read to experience something, to be escorted into another time, place, world and experience what happens there. The author's job is to provide them that experience. However your story ends, whatever happens to the characters you've created, you've done your job. An author cannot be held responsible for how each reader reacts as an individual. So, authors/writers, write the story you've set out to write and find satisfaction in having done the best of your ability to do just that."
Another piece of advice is one a writer often hears- write the story you want to write and don't worry about other people and what they'll think. If you write to please everyone, you'll never write again.
And, as for your own personal response to the death of your own character (-s)...don't be ashamed to cry and feel blue for a little while. Just remind yourself, as you mourn for your character, that he/she/it is not real. Yes, you chipped off a piece of your own soul to give that character life, but these little wounds heal and you move on and create more characters. It might be a long time, and many more stories later before you are able to kill off another character. Sometimes killing off a character can be a catharsis...it flushes something dark out of your system and allows you to move on.
And my final thought is, it's always better to kill off a fictional character than to go out and harm a real person.It can be good therapy after a bad day.
By the time you reach the point where the inevitable occurs, you, as writer/creator, have invested a lot of your own feelings and emotions, and yes, little pieces f your very soul, into the character. It really is akin to giving birth to a child and in a relatively brief span of time, watching them grow. You want the best for them, but sometimes the story dictates otherwise.
It can be a very emotionally wrenching moment for an author to kill off a character they like or even love. I have a novel in which two young adults struggle with issues in their lives and strive to be better people, to do the right thing. The young woman has a little sister she adores. She's been more a mother to the girl than their own mother has been. The mother has issues. A series of incidents happen and it drives the young couple to the point where they are worn down psychologically and emotionally...both struggle with depression. They agree that they've fought long and hard and their tired and just want it to end...so they make a suicide pact, which includes not leaving the younger sister behind, they're taking her with them. I cannot write the end of that novel. It's been sitting unfinished in a binder for two plus years. The young couple are good people. They work hard, they have been there for one another for a couple of years, but life will not give them a break and they are broken in spirit. I cry thinking about how they're going to die. I don't want it to happen. I cannot put myself through writing the ending of that novel...so it will remain unfinished forever.
Do artists get that emotionally invested in their art? Do musicians wrench their own hearts writing song lyrics and performing their music?
I was asked tonight if readers want a happy ending? I'm sure the majority of them do. However, as in real life, not all stories have a happy ending. Sometimes bad things happen and characters, like real people, die.
My advice to this author was- "Readers will cry and feel sad when a character dies. Some will feel let down or disappointed by a sad ending. Some will become angry and feel cheated. It all depends on how they personally related to the character that is killed off. We're all wired differently. however, we share emotions in common- empathy and sympathy. The point of killing off a character is to draw that emotional response, whatever it may be, from the reader. Readers don't read to be bored or to remain not drawn into the story. They read to experience something, to be escorted into another time, place, world and experience what happens there. The author's job is to provide them that experience. However your story ends, whatever happens to the characters you've created, you've done your job. An author cannot be held responsible for how each reader reacts as an individual. So, authors/writers, write the story you've set out to write and find satisfaction in having done the best of your ability to do just that."
Another piece of advice is one a writer often hears- write the story you want to write and don't worry about other people and what they'll think. If you write to please everyone, you'll never write again.
And, as for your own personal response to the death of your own character (-s)...don't be ashamed to cry and feel blue for a little while. Just remind yourself, as you mourn for your character, that he/she/it is not real. Yes, you chipped off a piece of your own soul to give that character life, but these little wounds heal and you move on and create more characters. It might be a long time, and many more stories later before you are able to kill off another character. Sometimes killing off a character can be a catharsis...it flushes something dark out of your system and allows you to move on.
And my final thought is, it's always better to kill off a fictional character than to go out and harm a real person.It can be good therapy after a bad day.
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